so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
