My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
