Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
