her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
