I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
