Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
