maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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