i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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