I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
