You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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