I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
