Plan B is the new Plan A
...so i touched it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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