ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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