When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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