I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize