Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
