Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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