I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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