why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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