i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
