where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
