Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
