not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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