just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
