Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
