Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
