he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
