I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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