i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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