The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
