you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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