my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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