so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
