this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
