I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
