Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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