the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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