Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Only a mothe r could love this liver
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
