i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
