Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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