At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
