The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
