I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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