i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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