All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
