R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
