Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
