Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
