Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
