So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize