Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
