I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
