I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
