Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
