the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
