Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
