You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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