i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
