great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
