he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
