you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
