Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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