I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
