Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
COCAINE IS GR8
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
