Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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