Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
