im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
