Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
