I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
