I skipped work to stalk him.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
