I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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