He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i dont even know how to be here
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
